I was talking with some men today and they brought up a very good question that I will be pondering for maybe even the rest of my life, when it comes to loving a women.  The question is, "Do you treasure her?"

I have been doing some serious praying and thinking the past few days since my last blog entry.  I have been seeking Christ and meeting with a select few men in my life to tackle some core issues in my heart.  And what I keep thinking about today is the verse Romans 8:28 which states:

     "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

In my last blog entry I stated that the last few weeks have not been good for me.  I was in a low spot and just not doing good.  While there in that place, I kind of just lived in my sin, and things happened that were not good.  But looking back those couple of weeks, I see now how God used those two horrible weeks to bring Him glory.  At the end of those weeks, which was when I blogged the previous blog entry, some things were set into motion that I feel would not have been put into motion had I not had those two bad weeks.  It's almost like those bad weeks needed to happen.  Good truly is coming out of the bad here.  I have gained new wisdom and been shown new things and I am now tackling those issues (and wounds) in my heart with such intensity and vigor.

I am in awe how God does that.  His Grace and mercy are so overwhelming.  It is true that His love is so powerful and strong His passion for us just takes over.  I think I want to get a tattoo that states something about sinking in Grace, with Grace being an ocean.  It's part of the story of my life.

I need a vacation. I'm thankful that because of how hard I worked last year I get 37 hours of paid vacation time at my work. So I'm going to head up north and go camping. Just me and God. My dad will be there, and I will do some hiking with him, but I plan on mostly just going solo. It'll be a week to relax and unplug (no cell phone or computer or anything) but more importantly to experience God. And I pray I do. I need it right now.

So the last few weeks have been… probably more not so good than good. I almost feel like at times I was turning evil, though it's not true. But just a feeling. I'm trying to remember. I know that stepping up to management at
my job has been somewhat stressful for me. Lots of hours and just about no breaks. With that I almost feel like my life recently has been consumed by work. Though that's not true as well.

Honestly there is no excuse for the last few weeks. I have been lazy and avoiding people and spiritually on a low. With that has come some anger which in that, I did something that was quite stupid. I am so thankful and blessed for the friends and people that God has put in my life. Though I make mistakes and fall, they still love me and are there for me.

One thing I gotta share that God told me once that I will never forget. Jesus always has my heart. Always no matter what He has my heart and He is never letting go. I can avoid Him and run from Him and hurt Him but He still has my heart. He told me this when I was reading John chapter 6.

I say this because these past few weeks I feel like I have been disappointing God and really just not very good, avoiding people and God. But it brings me to tears to be reminded that He still loves me; He does not condemn me; He still has my heart. He is fighting for my heart, He is fighting for my heart.

A friend reminded me of a song today. It's called "How He Loves". She reminded me specifically of the second verse where it says "if grace is an ocean we're all sinking". I just am in awe of that. And then there's the part that says "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves me". That just speaks to me even now knowing what my last few weeks have been. I am sinking in Grace.

I apologize if this blog entry seemed kinda random and skipped around a bit. I hope you made the connection though.

I am sinking in Grace.